Oh hi....

Oh hi there,

It's a typical Saturday night for me. My significant other (aka SO) is playing away in his office on a new techy toy,  and I'm watching a movie. What's on tonight? Sadly I decided to cave and finally watch "Fifty Shades Of Grey" .. so not even a little bit interested. 

How on earth do they have the energy to be that sexually active. I'm getting way too old for this kind of thing. I may also be too pregnant for this kind of thing... 6 months, with my first to be exact. 
I thought I had the sexual appetite of a 17 year old, but clearly it's more like the sexual appetite of a 34 knocked up chick from Canada!  I remember reading these books several years ago, and feeling like they were opening up a whole new world of empowerment for women around the smut reading world.. now I think it's one long wet dream... with one of the most unappealing story lines I've ever muster the energy to endure. 

I guess it's for the best.. I won't be eager to watch the next installment, and that's good beacuase I'll have a new born here, and I'll be trying my damnedest to finally lose weight.. 

Ahh the dreaded "Lose Weight" dream..  I know, I know, it's not like I'm the first woman out here who has that dream.. mine may be a little more necessary that most however. I started this pregnancy wearing  a 2X, aka size 20. I know what you're thinking "Damn girl!". I get it, I know it. I'm big.. I have a big butt, big gutt, and an even bigger personality. I am the funny fat best friend, the one that every film has, you know her, she's the one that never has a boyfriend, and loves to poke fun at herself, is semi successful, and moderately pretty. That's me, only I rewrote the script a bit, as I have a fella, and he's pretty darn great, and we kind of like each other (like a whole lot.. like love!). 

So now I'm the funny fat (not single) best friend, who is preggers! Oh gosh, again I know what you're thinking... "she got knocked up !?!"  Yes, yes I did.. But it's okay. My SO and I have been together for over 3 years, and had purchased a house together (oh another script changer, I'm more than just semi successful...) not too long before the inevitable passionate night that led to his spawn taking residence in my womb... so now how does this funny fat best friend move into the starring role? That's a tricky one, you see she's got to be a fetching lass, (yes lass, I've got British roots...), have a personality and a beauty that not only captivates the audience, but also makes them want to be her.. and how does she do that? she's got to be considered "thin" by society's standard. Now I'll never be a size 2, but if I can get back to a size 10, I think I can pull the wool over the audience's eyes far enough, that they won't notice my extra 15-25 pounds of funny wobbly bits.

For now, however, I'm just going to get bigger.. I have to fully prepare for Mummy-hood.. I have a little man inside of me who needs an awesomely amazing super Mummy (do you think I can pull off a cape? Or will it make me look wider....).. 

Please, feel free to join me, mock me, gawk me, and stalk me, in my journey to become a super yummy funny Mummy!